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mysidI happened to come across a HP fanfic this morning in which James and Peter find it completely obvious that Sirius and Remus fancy each other, but perhaps Sirius and Remus are being a bit slow figuring it out. It struck me just how often I read stories in which characters: friends, teachers, casual acquaintances spend a little bit of time with Remus and Sirius (or some other slash pairing of the same time period) and quickly deduce that they are gay. "It's so obvious," they say, or something to that effect.
But, no, it wouldn't have been obvious, and this is why. In the 60's and 70's, being in the closet was still the norm. Sodomy was still a criminal offense in the UK until 1972, and even then it was illegal with anyone under 21. (In the USA, it's still illegal in many states, and in many of them the legal definition of sodomy includes both oral sex and anal sex.) Being in the closet was a necessity.
And because most homosexuals were still closeted, those around them tended to be ignorant of how common it was. Homosexuality simply wasn't part of the social consciousness. If someone heard that two men lived together, she didn't assume they were a couple. She probably didn't even wonder if they were a couple. The most likely assumption to be made was that they lived together to share the rent. It's very likely they were a couple--but no one around them was really that likely to assume so.
Someone on my friends-list recently mused on the fact they we are the last generation who have had to adjust to the existence of the internet. Kids today don't know what it was like not to have Google, Wikipedia, and Mapquest at their fingertips.
Perhaps I am also part of the last generation to remember what it was like not to know that homosexuality existed. My kids are growing up very aware of it as a part of everyday life; their friend next door has two moms. The tv is full of shows with gay characters. But in my generation, it was still the shameful secret that no one dared discuss. I'm so glad things have changed, but for the sake of those of you younger than me, let me tell you about the slow eye-opening that an old fogey (age 39) like me went through.
Junior High-Two of my female cousins and I were discussing kissing. (None of us had kissed a boy yet.) Suddenly, one of them kissed me--open mouth, French kiss. I shoved her away and said, "Girls don't kiss girls. Girls only kiss boys." And I believed it whole-heartedly.
High School--I went to an all-girls school in the early 80's. In the middle of my junior year (age 16), our gym teacher (a woman) was suddenly fired. Rumors spread around the school that she and one of my classmates, Kitty, had become sexually involved. (In retrospect, I kind of doubt it. It's more likely that the girl facing some very confusing feelings had found a sympathetic ear in a kindred spirit. But the damage was done.) The teacher was fired, and Kitty was socially ostracized for a time. I still thought of being gay as something very, very rare. I had no reason not to.
I imagined that of the entire school (250 students) Kitty was the only one who was gay; now I know for a fact that she wasn't. My of my closest friends and I frequently used to double date. Every time Lori got a new boyfriend, she'd ask if he had a friend for me. Now Lori is happily living with another woman and their two children.
University--During my freshman year (age 18; 1984-855), a group of women on my hall befriended another freshman I'll call John. John was flamingly gay--but I didn't realize it. In retrospect, it was completely obvious—but only in retrospect. The fact that it didn’t occur to me at the time proves that homosexuality just wasn't a part of my world view. I knew it existed, but I couldn't imagine that I might know anyone who was gay.
By senior year (1987-88), I had wised up a bit. I remember having a heart-to heart talk with a classmate named David. His gushing about a friend of his left me convinced that David was head over heels in love with the friend—but in deep denial. My gentle hints that his admiration for his friend went beyond mere friendship fell on deaf ears. It was just as well; David's religious beliefs made homosexuality a no-no.
What happened in between the two years? A very gradual eye-opening. I remember having a conversation with my roommate and her sorority "Big Sister," Stephanie. Stephanie was on the women's rugby team, and somehow it came up in our conversation that there was a rumor that the entire team were lesbians. I thought that was perfectly ridiculous stereotyping, athletic girls=lesbians, (and I still do) and in pointing out how ridiculous it was, I said, "You're on the team, and you aren't gay." Stephanie looked uncomfortable, my roommate gave me the "Shut up immediately!" look, and someone changed the subject. Yes, I got the message: Stephanie was gay; however, Stephanie was so normal (yes, I was doing some stereotyping of my own) that I didn't really believe it for a long time.
Today--Now I look around and I see my neighbors, a f/f couple, openly raising a child together. I know that my cousin in NYC is openly in a long-term relationship with another woman. I know that her mother left my uncle because she fell in love with a woman, but I didn't know that until two decades after it happened. I turn on my tv, and I can chose between watching Will and Grace, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, The L Word, etc. The world has definitely changed.
But, no, it wouldn't have been obvious, and this is why. In the 60's and 70's, being in the closet was still the norm. Sodomy was still a criminal offense in the UK until 1972, and even then it was illegal with anyone under 21. (In the USA, it's still illegal in many states, and in many of them the legal definition of sodomy includes both oral sex and anal sex.) Being in the closet was a necessity.
And because most homosexuals were still closeted, those around them tended to be ignorant of how common it was. Homosexuality simply wasn't part of the social consciousness. If someone heard that two men lived together, she didn't assume they were a couple. She probably didn't even wonder if they were a couple. The most likely assumption to be made was that they lived together to share the rent. It's very likely they were a couple--but no one around them was really that likely to assume so.
Someone on my friends-list recently mused on the fact they we are the last generation who have had to adjust to the existence of the internet. Kids today don't know what it was like not to have Google, Wikipedia, and Mapquest at their fingertips.
Perhaps I am also part of the last generation to remember what it was like not to know that homosexuality existed. My kids are growing up very aware of it as a part of everyday life; their friend next door has two moms. The tv is full of shows with gay characters. But in my generation, it was still the shameful secret that no one dared discuss. I'm so glad things have changed, but for the sake of those of you younger than me, let me tell you about the slow eye-opening that an old fogey (age 39) like me went through.
Junior High-Two of my female cousins and I were discussing kissing. (None of us had kissed a boy yet.) Suddenly, one of them kissed me--open mouth, French kiss. I shoved her away and said, "Girls don't kiss girls. Girls only kiss boys." And I believed it whole-heartedly.
High School--I went to an all-girls school in the early 80's. In the middle of my junior year (age 16), our gym teacher (a woman) was suddenly fired. Rumors spread around the school that she and one of my classmates, Kitty, had become sexually involved. (In retrospect, I kind of doubt it. It's more likely that the girl facing some very confusing feelings had found a sympathetic ear in a kindred spirit. But the damage was done.) The teacher was fired, and Kitty was socially ostracized for a time. I still thought of being gay as something very, very rare. I had no reason not to.
I imagined that of the entire school (250 students) Kitty was the only one who was gay; now I know for a fact that she wasn't. My of my closest friends and I frequently used to double date. Every time Lori got a new boyfriend, she'd ask if he had a friend for me. Now Lori is happily living with another woman and their two children.
University--During my freshman year (age 18; 1984-855), a group of women on my hall befriended another freshman I'll call John. John was flamingly gay--but I didn't realize it. In retrospect, it was completely obvious—but only in retrospect. The fact that it didn’t occur to me at the time proves that homosexuality just wasn't a part of my world view. I knew it existed, but I couldn't imagine that I might know anyone who was gay.
By senior year (1987-88), I had wised up a bit. I remember having a heart-to heart talk with a classmate named David. His gushing about a friend of his left me convinced that David was head over heels in love with the friend—but in deep denial. My gentle hints that his admiration for his friend went beyond mere friendship fell on deaf ears. It was just as well; David's religious beliefs made homosexuality a no-no.
What happened in between the two years? A very gradual eye-opening. I remember having a conversation with my roommate and her sorority "Big Sister," Stephanie. Stephanie was on the women's rugby team, and somehow it came up in our conversation that there was a rumor that the entire team were lesbians. I thought that was perfectly ridiculous stereotyping, athletic girls=lesbians, (and I still do) and in pointing out how ridiculous it was, I said, "You're on the team, and you aren't gay." Stephanie looked uncomfortable, my roommate gave me the "Shut up immediately!" look, and someone changed the subject. Yes, I got the message: Stephanie was gay; however, Stephanie was so normal (yes, I was doing some stereotyping of my own) that I didn't really believe it for a long time.
Today--Now I look around and I see my neighbors, a f/f couple, openly raising a child together. I know that my cousin in NYC is openly in a long-term relationship with another woman. I know that her mother left my uncle because she fell in love with a woman, but I didn't know that until two decades after it happened. I turn on my tv, and I can chose between watching Will and Grace, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, The L Word, etc. The world has definitely changed.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-13 11:59 pm (UTC)Now, my daughter and I had a discussion about Willow and Tara about two years ago, because my daughter and I discovered we both love Buffy wholeheartedly and she of course had a bunch of questions about their relationship. I kept it very simple, just letting her know that sometimes, men fall in love with men and women fall in love with women. I told her that if we are very lucky in life, we'll find someone to love who loves us back in return and if it happens to be someone of the same sex, well then, so what.
I have a cousin who is gay and to this day has never 'officially' come out to the family, even though she's been living with her partner for almost fifteen years.
I'll just never forget how she thanked me when I invited both her and Adele to my wedding and I placed both of their names on the invitation instead of C********* B*** and Guest.
(Of course, in hindsight, I don't blame her for not coming out to the family and no I don't think it's something she HAS to do because I have only cousins who still like to talk crap about her, even though she's 100x more successful then they are.)
And yeah...writing fic and Remus and Sirius which was the whole point of your post, right? I'm trying to remember now, but I don't think I've ever written anything where they are open and obviously gay and OMG SO IN LOVE AND EVERYONE KNOWSS!!!! KTHXBYE!!.
I think I like the subtext to be there, but for it not to be so flamboyant. The subtlties of their relationship is what draws me to them, and why I enjoy writing them.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-14 12:01 am (UTC)