The Rehearsal Dinner that Wasn't
Sep. 26th, 2008 09:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mysidMy brother is getting married tomorrow. It's a second marriage for him, but a first for her, so naturally she wants the whole big production. Fair enough. But when the wedding planning first started, it was clear that bride and her parents had "the sky's the limit" ideas but a more pedestrian budget.
The same thing happened the first time he got married, and my parents ended up paying for quite a bit of the wedding. They aren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but they had more than the first bride's family. My parents did it willingly; they figured he'd only get married once. ;D
This time around, my parents figured they'd already done their bit and tried to make it clear that they weren't doing it again. When the bride-to-be fished for an idea of how much my parents would chip in (first subtlely and then by having my brother ask straight out), my parents said they were planning to do what parents of the groom have traditionally done--host the rehearsal dinner. Period.
The bride's parents own a restaurant, and bride said that her parents really wanted to host the rehearsal dinner there, so wouldn't my parents please contribute toward the wedding the money they were would spend on the rehearsal dinner? Thus, my parents agreed to pay for the photographer and photos instead. The worst part of that deal--my parents had planned to include all of their out-of-state relatives in the rehearsal dinner, but had now lost any control of the guest list. (Even my grandfather wasn't invited!)
My three children are in the wedding, and as the wedding date got closer and closer, they wanted to know whether or not there would be a rehearsal before the rehearsal dinner. (The wedding isn't at a church but at the reception site, a "wedding factory," one those large catering halls that cranks out multiple wedding receptions every weekend. Sites like that are often unavailable for rehearsals.) A few days ago, I asked the bride via e-mail, and got as a reply, "No. Everyone is meeting at the restaurant at 7-7:30, so everyone can meet and maybe we'll informally practice walking in." I forwarded the e-mail to my parents and my other brother (the best man) who'd also been wondering.
The vague meeting time bothered my mother, especially since the bride had been an hour and a half late to her own bridal shower, so my mom sent an e-mail to the bride reminding her that we would have small children with us, that they would be hungry and wouldn't be able to wait forever for dinner. She said that if things didn't get started on time, we (my parents, my husband and I, and our children) would simply leave and go eat elsewhere.
The bride's response? She called my mother and said, "The kids don't need to come to the restaurant. It's just an informal thing so everyone can meet, and we can match up bridesmaids and ushers with each other. The kids don't need to be matched with anyone. And we aren't having dinner there anyway, just a few drinks."
My mother's response? "Well, if the only reason to meet is to match up bridesmaids and ushers, you don't need Dad and me either."
Bride and my mother both then tried to call me; bride got through first. It took me a while to understand that she was trying to say that not only was the rehearsal dinner sans rehearsal, it was also sans dinner. She tried to make it sound like she was doing me a favor. "You don't have to drive all the way here," when it isn't a very far drive from my parents' house anyway. When I finally understood, all I could think of was my parents wanting to host the rehearsal dinner and being told not to. I mouthed to my husband, "My mom is pissed!"
So, now we (my parents, my husband and I, and our children) are going to head over to the hotel where our relatives are staying and have dinner with them.
.
The same thing happened the first time he got married, and my parents ended up paying for quite a bit of the wedding. They aren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but they had more than the first bride's family. My parents did it willingly; they figured he'd only get married once. ;D
This time around, my parents figured they'd already done their bit and tried to make it clear that they weren't doing it again. When the bride-to-be fished for an idea of how much my parents would chip in (first subtlely and then by having my brother ask straight out), my parents said they were planning to do what parents of the groom have traditionally done--host the rehearsal dinner. Period.
The bride's parents own a restaurant, and bride said that her parents really wanted to host the rehearsal dinner there, so wouldn't my parents please contribute toward the wedding the money they were would spend on the rehearsal dinner? Thus, my parents agreed to pay for the photographer and photos instead. The worst part of that deal--my parents had planned to include all of their out-of-state relatives in the rehearsal dinner, but had now lost any control of the guest list. (Even my grandfather wasn't invited!)
My three children are in the wedding, and as the wedding date got closer and closer, they wanted to know whether or not there would be a rehearsal before the rehearsal dinner. (The wedding isn't at a church but at the reception site, a "wedding factory," one those large catering halls that cranks out multiple wedding receptions every weekend. Sites like that are often unavailable for rehearsals.) A few days ago, I asked the bride via e-mail, and got as a reply, "No. Everyone is meeting at the restaurant at 7-7:30, so everyone can meet and maybe we'll informally practice walking in." I forwarded the e-mail to my parents and my other brother (the best man) who'd also been wondering.
The vague meeting time bothered my mother, especially since the bride had been an hour and a half late to her own bridal shower, so my mom sent an e-mail to the bride reminding her that we would have small children with us, that they would be hungry and wouldn't be able to wait forever for dinner. She said that if things didn't get started on time, we (my parents, my husband and I, and our children) would simply leave and go eat elsewhere.
The bride's response? She called my mother and said, "The kids don't need to come to the restaurant. It's just an informal thing so everyone can meet, and we can match up bridesmaids and ushers with each other. The kids don't need to be matched with anyone. And we aren't having dinner there anyway, just a few drinks."
My mother's response? "Well, if the only reason to meet is to match up bridesmaids and ushers, you don't need Dad and me either."
Bride and my mother both then tried to call me; bride got through first. It took me a while to understand that she was trying to say that not only was the rehearsal dinner sans rehearsal, it was also sans dinner. She tried to make it sound like she was doing me a favor. "You don't have to drive all the way here," when it isn't a very far drive from my parents' house anyway. When I finally understood, all I could think of was my parents wanting to host the rehearsal dinner and being told not to. I mouthed to my husband, "My mom is pissed!"
So, now we (my parents, my husband and I, and our children) are going to head over to the hotel where our relatives are staying and have dinner with them.
.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-26 06:10 pm (UTC)just wow...
I'm so glad I'm the easy going "lets elope to vegas" kind of bride. I could never put people through things like that.
But then we had relatives pissed at us about that too.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-27 02:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-27 02:25 am (UTC)so it was easy enough to brush off.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-26 07:20 pm (UTC)And I hate to say it, but your brother has shitty taste in people, even on a second time around.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-27 02:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-29 03:05 pm (UTC)*retracts the rush to judgment!*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-27 12:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-27 02:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-27 02:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-27 08:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-29 01:21 am (UTC)Hope all went well in the end.
*sympathizes with Mum*