Just Back from Teddy Bear Country
Jun. 5th, 2006 07:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mysidSorry that I haven't updated in a while. I've been around, but primarily in "lurk" mode.
I just got back from a quick weekend trip up to Burlington, VT. That's where the Vermont Teddy Bear Company is located. Isn't their "Pride Bear" cute?
I went up with my parents to celebrate my grandfather's 90th birthday. Ninety years old, healthy as a horse, sharp as a tack, and all those other cliches. All eight of his children were there, plus assorted grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and those of his friends who are still around. I got caught up on all the family gossip and scandals. (Engagements, pregnancies, elopements, divorces, and drug arrests.)
The post-party at my aunt's house (where I stayed overnight) was even better than the party. Somehow, we all ended up sitting around the table where all the booze had been put out. My dad got so drunk; it was amusing—especially when my very liberal relatives got talking politics with my very conservative (and drunk) father.
"George Bush is the greatest president since—" Long pause during which "Clinton?" was suggested, then, "George Bush is one of the greatest presidents ever!"
I simply began to laugh mockingly. My uncle pointed to me and said, "That's your own daughter laughing."
I was sitting beside my cousin—let's call him Jay. He's in his early 20's, intellingent, good-looking, charming, artistic—and oh-so-gay. I think he's gay, my mother thinks he's gay, all the men in down in The Village (he briefly lived in NYC) thought he was gay. The only person who doesn't think Jay is gay—Jay.
"Why does everyone think I'm gay?" he asks.
Uh, the way you dress, the way you move, the way you talk, the fact that when you date women, they practically have "beard" tattooed on their foreheads—(There's no spark between them, and he tries too hard. "This is my girlfriend. See, I told you I had a girlfriend.")—should I go on?
Jay had a date later that evening, but he was having too much fun at the post-party and kept putting off meeting her. At first, he didn't mention a name, just "a date" and I had my fingers crossed that it was a guy, but no—Wendy. He made it clear that he didn't really have an interest in her, he was just going out with her hoping he'd develop an interest. Yeah, like that ever works. (His sister is getting married soon, and I think he wants a date for the wedding.) When his sister chided him for keeping Wendy waiting, he made some disparaging comment about Wendy.
"Why do you always do this—look for something to dislike about the women you date?" she asked.
"Because he's dating the wrong gender," I thought.
Later, my mom and I were talking. Now, you've got to imagine—this is my 63 year-old mother, born and raised in a strict Roman Catholic family. She said that she'd been hoping Jay's date was a guy, and that it was unfortunate he was putting all this pressure on himself to be straight when dating women was obviously not working out. She told me that she'd gone to a showing of Jay's paintings and that a "nice-looking young man" had come in and made a point of catching Jay's eye and waving. "See? I'm here." She said she'd crossed her fingers that he was Jay's boyfriend—but nothing seems to have come of it.
We both agreed that his parents and his sister would be fine with his being gay. His employer (the VT Teddy Bear Company) would obviously be accepting. [See "Pride Bear" above.] His community would be accepting. (Burlington is a pretty liberal section of VT—and it was the first state in the USA to legalize "Civil Partnerships" for gay couples.) And yet, Jay obviously feels pressure to be straight. Sigh.
I told my mom about the acronym GIFY, "Gay in five years." I'd read that it's used on some college campuses to indicate men who date women, but other people think they're fighting their natural inclinations. Mom agreed that Jay is GIFY.
Then Mom told about an incident that had happened after church the other day. Some guy had set up a table in the vestibule and was getting people to sign postcards telling their Congressmen that they were in favor of a Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage. When he tried to get her to sign, she said, "No thanks," and tried to walk away.
He raised his voice and nearly shouted, "You can't tell me you're against this Amendment!"
She didn't think it was the time or place to make a scene—and was livid that he was—and just said a firm, "No comment," before walking away.
Go, Mom! Hey, for a good little Catholic girl just walking out of Mass, that was pretty ballsy. She said that she was thinking of the nice f/f couple who live next door to me.
I just got back from a quick weekend trip up to Burlington, VT. That's where the Vermont Teddy Bear Company is located. Isn't their "Pride Bear" cute?
I went up with my parents to celebrate my grandfather's 90th birthday. Ninety years old, healthy as a horse, sharp as a tack, and all those other cliches. All eight of his children were there, plus assorted grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and those of his friends who are still around. I got caught up on all the family gossip and scandals. (Engagements, pregnancies, elopements, divorces, and drug arrests.)
The post-party at my aunt's house (where I stayed overnight) was even better than the party. Somehow, we all ended up sitting around the table where all the booze had been put out. My dad got so drunk; it was amusing—especially when my very liberal relatives got talking politics with my very conservative (and drunk) father.
"George Bush is the greatest president since—" Long pause during which "Clinton?" was suggested, then, "George Bush is one of the greatest presidents ever!"
I simply began to laugh mockingly. My uncle pointed to me and said, "That's your own daughter laughing."
I was sitting beside my cousin—let's call him Jay. He's in his early 20's, intellingent, good-looking, charming, artistic—and oh-so-gay. I think he's gay, my mother thinks he's gay, all the men in down in The Village (he briefly lived in NYC) thought he was gay. The only person who doesn't think Jay is gay—Jay.
"Why does everyone think I'm gay?" he asks.
Uh, the way you dress, the way you move, the way you talk, the fact that when you date women, they practically have "beard" tattooed on their foreheads—(There's no spark between them, and he tries too hard. "This is my girlfriend. See, I told you I had a girlfriend.")—should I go on?
Jay had a date later that evening, but he was having too much fun at the post-party and kept putting off meeting her. At first, he didn't mention a name, just "a date" and I had my fingers crossed that it was a guy, but no—Wendy. He made it clear that he didn't really have an interest in her, he was just going out with her hoping he'd develop an interest. Yeah, like that ever works. (His sister is getting married soon, and I think he wants a date for the wedding.) When his sister chided him for keeping Wendy waiting, he made some disparaging comment about Wendy.
"Why do you always do this—look for something to dislike about the women you date?" she asked.
"Because he's dating the wrong gender," I thought.
Later, my mom and I were talking. Now, you've got to imagine—this is my 63 year-old mother, born and raised in a strict Roman Catholic family. She said that she'd been hoping Jay's date was a guy, and that it was unfortunate he was putting all this pressure on himself to be straight when dating women was obviously not working out. She told me that she'd gone to a showing of Jay's paintings and that a "nice-looking young man" had come in and made a point of catching Jay's eye and waving. "See? I'm here." She said she'd crossed her fingers that he was Jay's boyfriend—but nothing seems to have come of it.
We both agreed that his parents and his sister would be fine with his being gay. His employer (the VT Teddy Bear Company) would obviously be accepting. [See "Pride Bear" above.] His community would be accepting. (Burlington is a pretty liberal section of VT—and it was the first state in the USA to legalize "Civil Partnerships" for gay couples.) And yet, Jay obviously feels pressure to be straight. Sigh.
I told my mom about the acronym GIFY, "Gay in five years." I'd read that it's used on some college campuses to indicate men who date women, but other people think they're fighting their natural inclinations. Mom agreed that Jay is GIFY.
Then Mom told about an incident that had happened after church the other day. Some guy had set up a table in the vestibule and was getting people to sign postcards telling their Congressmen that they were in favor of a Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage. When he tried to get her to sign, she said, "No thanks," and tried to walk away.
He raised his voice and nearly shouted, "You can't tell me you're against this Amendment!"
She didn't think it was the time or place to make a scene—and was livid that he was—and just said a firm, "No comment," before walking away.
Go, Mom! Hey, for a good little Catholic girl just walking out of Mass, that was pretty ballsy. She said that she was thinking of the nice f/f couple who live next door to me.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-06 03:08 am (UTC)Gah. I have a cousin who has never openly come out as gay, but she's been living with Adele for almost 15 years now it's just sort of understood. I've always accepted her and Adele, to the point when I wrote out my wedding invitations, I included both of their names on the outside envelope.
What drives me insane is my other cousins who live out Western Bumfuck who like to make disparaging remarks about her whenever we're all gathered for a "family reunion."
Meanwhile, Chris owns her own home, business and loves working with show/rescued dogs and my other cousins live in trailers on their parents property and have missing teeth.
Not to mention the one who is the loudest at one point dated our second cousin who is his father and my mother's first cousin.
My family is whacked. Trust me.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-06 01:18 pm (UTC)(Actually, he dated his "first cousin once-removed" rather than a second cousin.) My cousin married our second cousin and--here's the best part--he used to date her sister! I loved the toast that the bride's father made at the wedding, "We always knew we'd get him into the family one way or another."