FIC: Competing with a Ghost

[mysid]

Title: Competing with a Ghost
Author: mysid
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Ralph, Laurie, and Andrew belong to Mary Renault.
Author's Note: Written for the maryrenaultfics Halloween challenge: Ghosts don't always have the best timing. I thought in this case, any timing would be poor timing.

As he turned his key in the lock, Ralph could hear Laurie's gramophone faintly through the closed door. A classical piece, perhaps something by Mozart, though Ralph wasn't certain. He supposed his ear had been dulled by too many years of listening to the more popular contemporary tunes favoured by those around him.

He smiled, knowing it was one of many ways his life had been brightened by Laurie's presence. He was once again listening to music worth listening to rather than lowering his standards to the simple melodies and meaningless rhymes that passed for music on the radio and at parties.

"Hello," he called out as he hung his coat on the peg and removed his cap to place on the table just inside the front room. "Sorry I'm late, but the—"

He caught the tail end of seeing Laurie furtively wiping a hand across his eyes. Laurie turned slightly in the window seat as if looking out the window, but Ralph knew Laurie was trying to hide that he'd been crying by keeping his back to the door.

"No, it's fine. I haven't—I didn't realize how late—"

"Have you had anything to eat yet?" Ralph asked, heading into the small alcove that they generously called a kitchen. "Because I'm famished." He'd let Laurie compose himself before inflicting his presence upon him.

Seven weeks. Almost two months. He wouldn't remember so precisely if the letter hadn't arrived on the last day of the month. Seven weeks since Laurie had gotten the letter from Andrew's friend.

How does one compete with a dead man? Ralph thought as he lit the gas ring and set the kettle upon it. He'd known how to compete with Andrew when Andrew was alive. He'd simply offered Laurie all that he had, all that he was, and hoped that what he offered was more than that boy could.

But how does one compete with a ghost? The dead are idealized, perfect. They can never disappoint, never fail to measure up to what is asked of one. The boy had died a hero's death, killed in a building collapse while trying to save others, and would remain a heroic perfect ideal forever.

How could Ralph with his tarnished past, and no hope for heroics in his future, ever compete with that? All he could offer was tea and sandwiches, and rather poor ones at that with the current quality of the bread at the local bakery.

Is it even charitable to think of competing with Andrew's memory? Ralph wondered. He's dead, and Laurie loved him. The boy deserves to be mourned, and Laurie deserves time and space to mourn him. But he couldn't quite silence the little voice which whispered, But if you could get back to sea, and if you were killed in action, which one of you would Laurie miss more?

Ralph made certain to jostle the tray just enough to cause a slight rattle of crockery before he returned to the room. Laurie was by the gramophone, returning a record to its paper sleeve. He gave Ralph a slight smile before returning his attention to his task.

"What are we listening to next?" Ralph asked. "I rather liked that piece."

Laurie was already moving away from the gramophone toward the sofa. "You can choose something if you want to," he said, but something in his tone told Ralph that Laurie would prefer if he didn't. He placed the tray on the table in front of the sofa and settled himself at one end of the sofa. Laurie immediately shifted closer and nuzzled his nose against Ralph's throat.

"I'm glad you're home," he whispered into Ralph's skin.

"So am I, Spuddy."
.

Comments

[trueriver.livejournal.com]

Oh how lovely, and so sad! I read somewhere that MR had thought that Andrew would be killed, and this strikes true. Wonderful to have Ralph's POV, and greatly relieved that they ended up close and loving!

[queen_ypolita]

It's lovely and feels so true.

[kenazfiction.livejournal.com]

Agh! I get so angry at Laurie sometimes. When I first read the book, I was highly sympathetic the Laurie's plight, but after a second reading, discovered that my loyalties lay almost entirely with Ralph. This is *exactly* the story I would expect to see in some extended version of the book, true to Renault's tone and characters, but still frustrating to me because poor Ralph continues to have to compete for Laurie's affection... and you're right: competing with a ghost is no easy task.

Poor Ralph. Poor Laurie. Poor Andrew. Well done.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*sniffling*

It wasn't until the end that I suddenly realised WHICH piece of Mozart Laurie was listening to.

Wonderful.

*cries more*

[lanyon.livejournal.com]

Very, very nicely written - and I'm glad it ended on a marginally positive note. ;) I was especially struck by Ralph's musings on who Laurie would miss more if he died. Great fic.

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

Oh, Ralph. *hugs him hard* That was a lovely ending, though. These two will be all right. ♥

This really makes me want to reread the book!

[elaineofshalott]

Oh Ralph! Why must he always be so insecure! (A criticism of him as a "person", not of your characterisation of him.) He devalues himself so, it breaks me up, really it does.

[elfscribe5.livejournal.com]

Enjoyed reading this mysid. Glad that Laurie was able to reassure Ralph at the end. I really liked this: "He'd simply offered Laurie all that he had, all that he was, and hoped that what he offered was more than that boy could."

[lorie945.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so glad you did this! It's like eating the leftover candy the day after Halloween for me!

Really nice moody piece. I love it when we (for once!) know more than Ralph about something. And I love how generous he is about Laurie's mourning, even while he's silently tearing himself up about it. I can believe that Ralph might never trust that he's really the one Laurie wants to be with...

Great job. Thank you.

[eleish.livejournal.com]

They are like that. Were. Should have been.
Whatever.

The central point is: how beautiful!
I really missed your writes :)

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Wonderful. I am new to the Mary Renault fic community, and I only read The Charioteer for the first time about two months ago... so this whole Halloween challenge is like a huge platter of tasty treats for me.:) Mere weeks ago, I wasn't aware that Charioteer fanfic even existed... and now I get to read great stuff like this. Thank you so much for sharing.<3