I really liked this. You write very well, and I could clearly see Remus and Sirius in my head as I read.

I went back and had a look at the original version, and I liked that too. I liked the ending to that one - I'm just a big romantic at heart, and when I was reading your second version I was hoping it would end up like the first one did!

I think this second version still works, though. I'm just imagining Sirius telling Remus about his feelings a little later down the track. ;)